Monday, February 28, 2005

Miles Away

God, I miss my kids already. My mom took them to our hometown this morning. It's two hours away from here. I could still freshly remember my baby boy's face when they left. He was teary-eyed. I knew that he was gonna miss me the most. It breaks my heart but it's good that once in a while they'll be exposed to the world other than our house.

They're probably going to the beach tomorrow. I wish I could go with them but work won't allow me. Darn. But then again, there's a positive side to this. I could go home late (go shopping or catch a movie) without worrying about the kids waiting for me. And when I get home, I could do a lot of stuff which I can't normally do when the kids are around. I could fix the room and make it stay clean overnight, arrange my closet, and I could even put old photos into albums --- something I've long been wanting to do. I could watch the dvd's I just bought without kids begging me if they could watch cartoons instead. I could take a long shower without the kids knocking on the bathroom door trying to get me out. I could do most anything.

It will just be like when I was single. When I would come home to an empty house, eat dinner alone, watch tv and just fall asleep with the tv on. And that was just five years ago. So many things have changed. I know I could never go back to that kind of lifestyle. I am completely happy of where I am right now. Maybe this is why it's so hard to go home to an empty house. These will probably be the longest days and nights of my life.

Even if I try to make myself busy and even if Hubby is there to cheer me up, I'll still miss my kids. I'll even miss their yelling, shouting and even their jumping up and down the bed. I'll probably miss sleeping beside them and constantly waking up to check if they're okay. I'LL MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM.

Tonight, while I cry myself to sleep I will whisper to Him: Dear God, take good care of my little darlings who are so far away. You will be their light and strength without me. Bring them back safely. Make the days go by fast so they will be back in my arms again.

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